Do you ever feel that life is a bit of a roller coaster? That has definitely been my experience this week. Mind you the only real roller coaster I have ever been on was the Big Dipper in Blackpool.
|Picture from Blackpool Pleasure Beach|
I was 17 at the time and it was long before all the health and safety restrictions and seat restraints there are now. (I am giving my age away here!) The only restriction was that children were not allowed. We quickly discovered the restriction should have been based on size not age. I have always been quite petite and at 17 was only 5' 1" tall and barely weighed 7 stone (98lbs). As soon as the roller coaster set off, it was impossible for me to stay on the wooden bench seat and was almost flung into the wide blue yonder. The young man I was with at the time, was as frightened as I was and braced himself against the seat in front and clung onto my dress as I kept taking off. The dress tore as the skirt separated from the bodice but at least I was still in one piece at the end.
Needless to say I have never been on a roller coaster since.
Things have been pottering along pleasantly recently. Life's roller coaster has been making a steady, gentle ascent. I have got back into stitching again and been happily making project notebooks. There has been some interest in them and I have had a few orders. It is always pleasurable when others admire your work.
At the end of last week I discovered someone had expressed an interest in purchasing my Capability Brown piece in the Stowe Exhibition, which was very exciting. It was not a "sale" exhibition, so the fact someone had contacted our Guild to inquire about it, was a big surprise and very encouraging.
On Monday morning, when checking my emails there was a message from Etsy telling me two notebooks had sold. Not unusual as that's why the Etsy shop exists - to sell things! Why I found it so surprising was the buyer was in America. Someone was willing to pay the postage all the way to the USA for two of my notebooks. Thank you, thank you to that person for your custom and appreciation of my creations. I hope you will be pleased and happy with your notebooks when they are delivered.
Okay, so you have probably guessed by now that we are at the top of the roller coaster and what comes next. A Rheumatology appointment at the hospital on Monday afternoon for the results of an MRI scan six weeks ago was straight forward. There was no compression in the spine as suspected, which I had guessed, because if there had been I would have been called in quickly for emergency surgery.
So, good news - yes?
Yes, very good news.
However, the scan did reveal the current condition of my spine. In my head I knew there had been deterioration, but that was just speculation and easy to ignore. Now I know the reality and it is oh so much harder to ignore. Nothing has changed, I am still the same today as I was on Monday morning when I was fizzing with positive energy. Only now the pain is more noticeable because it has been brought into focus at the front of my mind. The fear of needing more surgery and what the future holds is whispering in my ear. Don't get me wrong, I am not unhappy or depressed, just *!*!!!*! angry that the condition I have lived with since I was a teenager is trying to push me over the top of the roller coaster and knock my confidence as it has in the past. The last couple of days have seen a bit of a dip but the route has to be back up, be creative, confident, believe in myself ( and make more notebooks!)
If you are still reading this, apologies for the rant and the introspection.
Normal service will be resumed with Five on Friday.